Grandpa Jack Died This Week - From the week of Christmas

Grandpa Jack Died This Week – A Christmas Story

(True story – names changed)

Grandpa Jack died this week.  It is hard to describe Grandpa Jack well, or nicely in the context of his passing.  He was not what we in education would call a supportive parent – or grandparent.  Grandpa Jack’s kids didn’t do well in school and often were not present at all.  At his passing, Grandpa Jack lived with one of his daughters and her three kids.  In the traditional “sins of the father” way, Grandpa Jack’s three grandkids had trouble in school also.  All three are great kids; kind and cooperative and they try hard – when they are there.  They miss a lot of school and their mom has lots of reasons why.

We special education people have been working with Irene, Ellen and Frankie in some combination or another for seven or eight years now.  The one who has worked with them most closely is my friend Pam who is a speech/language pathologist.  Their teachers and support people like us have alternately been frustrated with the kids and then felt badly for them because of their background, especially their living conditions.

I serve rural schools in my job as a school psychologist.  Stories of homes with less than the most modern conveniences are not unknown.  But Grandpa Jack’s house is legend.  No plumbing in the house.  Not clean.  And the sleeping arrangements are suspect.  I never had the opportunity to make a home visit but other school people had and they never had good things to say.   Only two beds in the house and both in the same room with an old chamber pot between them.  Due to attendance and observation of the home conditions, school people have contacted state child protection people on several occasions.  I heard second hand that the first responders who attended to the situation when the call came in that Grandpa Jack was dead were astonished at the condition of the house.

 

On Monday, Pam asked me, “Are you going to go to the visitation for Grandpa Jack?”

I replied with my first thought, “Why would we do that?”  It was the week before Christmas and there are still things to do at work before vacation.  I could not imagine why we would take time away from school to go to the visitation of a man we did not respect.  And I knew what kind of people would be there.   There wouldn’t be many that we would recognize or want to talk to.

Pam only had to ask me six or seven times, “Are you going to go to the visitation for Grandpa Jack?” before I realized that what she was really asking was “Will you go with me to the visitation for Grandpa Jack?”  Pam was thinking of the kids.  She and another teacher had gone together and bought little sympathy bears for the kids and she wanted to give them to the kids in person.   So Tuesday morning, we met at the school the kids attended and drove to the funeral for the visitation. 

I was not surprised by what we experienced.  I don’t think there was one good set of natural teeth in the whole place.  We dutifully entered and signed in.  We spoke with the kid’s mother and then had some words with each of the kids and gave them the bears.  We made some excuses about having to get back to school and left.  On the way out, I met Officer Friendly at the door.  Officer Friendly is a retired police officer who used to do school programs.  I didn’t know he was working at the funeral home now.  We talked for a bit while Pam was getting her coat on.  I talked more with Officer Friendly than I did in total with everyone else in the funeral home, and none of my conversation with Officer Friendly was about Grandpa Jack.

As we left the funeral home and descended the stairs to the sidewalk, we encountered a group of people standing in a circle smoking.  Actually there were several of these groups but this one was special because it included three people I knew: Tracy, Brian and Emily.  All three were former students at the school.  Brian was a cousin to the kids.  All three were now in their 20s and all three now looked like the adults in the funeral home.  Their teeth weren’t good.  Their clothes weren’t the best.  They were smoking.  But they were all so happy to see me.  Brian and Emily showed off Emily’s new ring.  They are engaged.    Tracy had gone to church camp with me when she was in school.  She had many issues and I never felt like camp had taken with her.  She ended up with two kids who live with her mother because she was unable to care for them.

 “What are you up to?” I asked. 

“Trying to get my life back together.  I’ve been going to church and reading my bible.  I’ve been wondering how I could get back in touch with you.”

I gave her my phone number.  We talked about how she had cut off her hair for “Locks of Love” and how my daughter had done that once.  We talked about the weather and the big storm that was coming. 

And as we talked, I kept hearing in the back of my head a voice saying, “These are the people Jesus came for.”  It was not a comfortable voice.  It was a convicting one.  These people have no voice,  no power, no status.  Nobody wants these people as neighbors or friends or employees.  They have nothing to offer.  THESE are the people Jesus came for.  People like you don’t “need” Jesus; you have done everything for yourselves.   

{Theologically, I understand that this is not true.  Jesus came for all people and at some point we will all stand before God clothed with our own righteousness (translate: completely exposed; naked).  It’s true for Brian and Tracy and Ellen and Frankie and Pam and me.  It’s true for Grandpa Jack.  We all need Jesus.  But in this context, I was acutely aware that I think I am taking care of myself and these people do not have the resources to do the same.  I think I deserve all that I take for granted because of my hard work or responsibility or self-reliance or whatever.}

Brian is a slight, hyper kind of guy.  He always had a smile on his face and was always glad to see me – or anyone for that matter.  He had some boundary issues socially and sometimes physically as well.  He was dressed in a suit that was at least a size or two too big.  As we commented on the weather, he took note of my trench coat.  I love this coat.  I got it eight or ten years ago from a fellow teacher who had been in the navy.  Government issue!  It’s black and has a removable liner.  It’s very warm and perfect for the winter. 

Brain said, “Can I have your coat?  I’ll give you 20 bucks for your coat so I can wear it when we go to the cemetery.”  He was only partly joking. 

I mumbled some reply about 20 bucks being less than I paid for it and then I’d be cold and we needed to get back to school.  Inside, I am thinking, “This is my coat.  I paid for it and have taken care of it and it is important to me.  I like it and I am not just going to give it away!”   Pam and I moved away from the group, got into my car and headed back to school.

On Wednesday morning, a group of men from my church get together at the local all purpose store.  They used to call these grocery stores, but now they have restaurants and gas stations and everything else you can imagine.  We have breakfast and a bible study.  During Advent, we have been reading the scriptures from the lectionary and discussing their implications.  Here are a couple of excerpts from the readings we read for this week:

“Sing aloud, O daughter of Zion;

                shout, O Israel!

Rejoice and exult with all your heart,

                O daughter of Jerusalem!”          (Zephaniah 3:14)

“The Lord your God is in your midst,

                a mighty one who will save;

he will rejoice over you with gladness;

                he will quiet you by his love

he will exult over you with singing.”         (Zephaniah 3:17)

“With joy you will draw water

 from the wells of salvation.”                     (Isaiah 12:3)

“Rejoice in the Lord always,

Again I will say, Rejoice!”                           (Philippians 4:4)

So after noting the theme of joy because of the coming of Christ into the world, one of the men asked this question:  “If Christmas is about the joy of God’s presence, why don’t we feel it more, and more often?  Why aren’t we always full of joy?”

When Jesus came, he gave up everything he had to live of life of having basically nothing.   “For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ that though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor so that you through his poverty might become rich.”  (2Corinthians 8:9)  We are even challenged to live in the same way.  “Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus, who being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God a thing to be grasped but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant being made in human likeness.” (Philippians 2:5-7)  One of our conclusions was that we don’t experience constant joy because we are too busy worrying about our lives and taking care of our stuff.

There was another scripture for our reading.  It involved John the Baptist.  When the people came to be baptized, they asked him what they should do.  His first response as recorded by Luke (2:11)? “Whoever has two tunics should share with him who has none, and whoever has food is to do likewise.”

As I reflect on the experience of Grandpa Jack’s funeral, I can’t help but wonder if the reason that I do not experience the full joy of Christmas is that I did not give Brian my coat. 

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May God bless you this Christmas and New Year as you celebrate with friends and family the birth of one who gave up everything for the sake of those who had nothing, even me.  May we all delight in the joyful experience of giving – not the seasonal mutual exchange of material things most of us don’t really need, but in the true giving of our time and money and yes, our coats.  In that giving is joy and fulfillment we have only begun to realize!  Merry Christmas.  Happy New Year.

Jim

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.  But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves not break in and steal.  For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” – Matthew 6:19-21

“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame” – Hebrews 12:2a