JUDGMENT

The weekend before Christmas, we did a production of “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever” at our church.  It was delightful giving a lot of kids a chance to be on stage and receive the applause of our three sold out houses.  So we only had 85 seats available for each show, but still it was sold out!  Each night before the show we would have a little prayer led by the director who happened to also be my daughter, Alison. During one of those prayers, one of the “baby angels” provided us with a wonderful example of something that people love to do but I am not sure always realize that they are doing.  In this case, little Johnny noticed during the prayer that one of the other baby angels had his eyes open during the prayer.  Johnny, feeling compelled to enforce compliance, said in a whispered but still audible voice, “Jack, close your eyeballs!”  Of course, the contradiction is obvious to us mature adults!  How can Johnny know that Jack’s eyeballs are open if his are closed?   

Doing a full production play was a new experience for our small congregation.  We had another Christmas experience that has become a tradition.  Every year for the past ten or so, we have volunteered to ring bells for the Salvation Army on Christmas Eve.  The last few years, we have taken the whole day to ring for a kettle at the entrance to a local grocery store.  Families sign up for half hour or full hour shifts and there is a group that typically takes the last 90 minutes and sings Christmas Carols.  My family and I have always been a part of that group.   It has become part of the holiday that is a real blessing.  It’s fun.  People smile and we have some great conversations with each other and with those passing by.

As we were in the last half hour, a lady walked past us and then returned with a look of determination in her face.  She clearly had something to say.  I can’t vouch for the word or word account but the interaction went something like this:

Lady    “Are you with this group?” (looking to the Salvation Army sign above the kettle.)

Me       “I’m sorry?  Are we with this group?”

Lady    “Are you with this group?  Do you believe what they believe?”

Me   “Oh, no we are not with the Salvation Army.  We are volunteers from a church. The Salvation Army has volunteers ring the bells for them and we like to sign up on Christmas Eve.”

Lady    “Do you believe what they believe?”

Me     “We believe that Jesus is the Son of God and our Savior.  I can’t speak about what the Salvation Army believes beyond that because I am not a member of their group."

Lady    “Do you know that they believe that homosexuals should burn in hell?”

Me     “I am not sure what you mean but I do not think that any Salvation Army person would say that exactly.   Where did you hear that? ”

Lady    “I read it somewhere.  I think it was in Forbes magazine.  What church are you from?”

Me     “We are from First Baptist Church.  We are ringing the bells to raise money to support people who are helped by the Salvation Army.”

Lady    “Well, I will write a check for your group, but I am not giving any money to them.” 

At this she turned and walked away.  Reading this does not accurately convey the tone of judgment that she brought to the conversation.  She clearly believed she needed to have an argument for justice.  I think she even might have thought that it was the Christmas thing to do; to confront wrong and not just walk past it.  Good for her. 

But like so many people - like baby angel Johnny above - she was engaged in her personal judgment about another - in this case - group’s judgment, at least as she perceived it to be.  She was judging judgment.  She fulfilled Romans 2:1 in which Paul confronts all of us with one of my favorite verses in the Bible if only because it never ceases to make me uncomfortable:

“You therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge the other, you are condemning yourself because you who pass judgment do the same things.”

Paul goes on to talk about how God’s judgment always makes sense due to the unique perspective God has on every situation.  But our human judgment is always compromised by our limited perspective.  And our judgment of others almost always promotes division.  It was clear from this nice lady’s demeanor (and she was nice even in her emotional urgency) that she was much more interested in making a point than in resolving a difference of understanding.  Her final point emphasized her disdain for the Salvation Army as she perceived them to be.  She said she would write us a check (First Baptist Church) but wouldn’t give any money to them.  She had never heard of First Baptist Church and had no idea what, if anything, First Baptist Church believes about homosexuality or anything else.  But she was ready to say that she would write us a check rather than support the Salvation Army.  (The topic of saying what we are going to do to prove our point and then not actually doing it is for another time!  Perhaps the nice lady really will send a check, but I am not holding my breath!  And not because I know anything about her but because I know how many times in my own life I have said I was going to do something out of some momentary conviction but have not followed through and actually done it!)

Ringing bells for the Salvation Army in front of the grocery store on Christmas Eve did not seem like the proper place to engage this particular person in a conversation about homosexuality and the Bible and Baby Jesus and so on.  Perhaps I missed an opportunity.  But in my view, the first step in any conversation about this or any other controversial topic is for each party to recognize figuratively, “Hey, I am praying with my eyes open, too!”  We have to be able to move past emotional judgment from our limited human viewpoint and acknowledge that judgment itself, regardless of the topic or viewpoint, in a big part of the problem.  There are real conversations about real issues that need to be held in order to bridge the gaps of anger created by our well-developed skill of judging others.  Setting up proverbial Straw Men (“I read in an article in Forbes magazine that such and such group believes this or that topic which is important to me.”) and then knocking those Straw Men down through the power of our own righteous judgment will not move us personally or our communities, nations or even world, any closer to real peace and reconciliation.

This isn’t exactly a measureable resolution, but I hope to work with myself and with others toward recognizing first where my own opinions and judgments come from and taking responsibility for those.  From that place I resolve to work on real reconciliation in my family, church, community and world.

God knows who is “praying with their eyes open.”  I suspect he doesn’t need my help to point it out!

Jim
www.jmoservicesllc.com

Read Jim's book: Fool's Gold: Searching for Goodness in the Human Heart
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Manipulating the System

Manipulation!

I have been doing Bridges Out of Poverty trainings for several years now both locally in my hometown of Dubuque and more recently as an ahaProcess consultant in various locations around the country.  Typically, these trainings are for predominantly middle class audiences.  And there are patterns of questions which I have come to recognize as “middle class questions.”  One of the common ones has to do with abusing or manipulating the system.   The training audience is typically made up of sensitive people who are often directly serving people in poverty.  So, the questioner often tries to be gentle about how he or she phrases the question.  But in the end, it comes down to some form of “What do we do about people who manipulate the system?”  Here are some I have heard.

• “What about parents who go to a lot of different agencies at Christmas time and get so many presents for their kids?”
• “What about people who lie just to get the benefits and then don’t follow through?”
•  “When we give people money to help them pay their phone bill, how can we keep them from using it to buy ringback tones?”

First, I understand and have sympathy for these questions.  It is frustrating to encounter people who seem to be out to cheat the system, especially when the system they are cheating is yours!   The problem I have with these questions, is that they often reflect assumptions about people in poverty and in fact, about middle class systems and people as well.  Let me name a couple of those assumptions and then develop the point:

• ·         Many people in poverty have a moral flaw that significantly contributes to their own problems and the greater problems of the community.
•        People who abuse the system are doing something that I would not do if I were in the same situation.
• ·         Manipulation/cheating/abuse of the system is primarily a poverty problem.

The first two go together.  If the hidden rules concepts are valid (unspoken cues and behaviors that are known to those who belong to a group but not necessarily to those outside the group), people will use whatever skills they have to get whatever they can out of systems whose hidden rules are foreign to them.  Parents in poverty want to give their kids as much as they can.  If that means going to a few different agencies and loading up at Christmas time on what is available, it seems like that could also be interpreted as parents doing everything they can for their kids.  Middle class families are well known for overindulging their kids at Christmas;  buying kids too many gifts and often gifts that are neither needed or even good for them.  Is it more moral because middle class families waste - I’m sorry, “spend” money to provide their kids with too much Christmas?  That’s at least a question worth considering.  But regardless, it seems that the initial motivation of “I want to do whatever I can for my kids” is the same.

Then there is the whole problem of moral judgment and superiority.  Are we middle class folks so sure of our moral fiber that we are confident that we would not do the same thing if we were in the same situation?  What skills would I need to develop if I found myself living in poverty?  What skills to feed my kids?  Pay my rent?  Get gas money to drive to work?  Have a Merry Christmas?  Would I be willing to bend the rules a bit?  Would I be willing to stretch the truth a bit?  Would I HAVE to do some of these things?  These are interesting questions that I honestly hope I do not have to face.  Just asking them forces me to confront my unspoken assumptions about people who live differently than I do as well assumptions about the reasons for behaviors I don’t easily understand.

But the bigger issue for me is the idea that manipulation of systems (or cheating or abusing) is somehow unique to poverty.  This assumption leads to a tendency to suspect everyone in poverty.  In working with many Getting Ahead (www.gettingaheadnetwork.com) groups through the years, I have heard consistent reports of the treatment people in poverty can expect from systems that are supposedly to designed to serve them.   The general feeling is that of a lack of trust on the part of the systems toward those they are serving.  The consistent questions I get from middle class audiences at trainings as well as in general conversations confirm the impression of people in poverty toward systems.   However, I can say with confidence that I rarely encounter a system of any kind where I feel a sense of mistrust from the people serving me.  (Obviously, this issue crosses many more lines than economic class.  As a white, middle aged, middle class man I am afforded some level of trust based on multiple characteristics.  This discussion is intended to focus on economic class.)

The problem is that it is far too easy to see and question the manipulation of others who are different while staying blind to our own manipulations.  There are certainly people in poverty who manipulate and abuse the system.  I don’t think so many that the system should assume a person in poverty is guilty until proven innocent.  But aren’t there also people in middle class who manipulate the system?  In school, we called them “brown-nosers”.  But there are also those who manipulate the system when paying their taxes.  There are some who deduct everything as a “business expense” for example.  There are others who manipulate the system to obtain promotions.  Who abuse the company expense accounts.  What about those in wealth?   Isn’t all the anger towards the 1% at least partly about wealthy people and wealthy systems that manipulate the economic system to their own advantage?

This brings me to a favorite bible verse that I have gone to many times to remind me that my judgment of others is always based on shaky grounds.  In the book of Romans in the New Testament, after speaking against a variety of folks who are violating God’s ways, Paul makes this statement in Chapter 2:1 “You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things.” 

There is no new sin in the world, only the form in which it appears.  When it comes to the judgment of those in poverty by those from middle class and wealth, the stereotypical “welfare mom” who is manipulating the system is an easy target that insulates those who judge from seeing the manipulations of their own systems and even their own lives.   Far too often, we “who pass judgment condemn (ourselves)”  because we ”do the same things.”

In case anyone is questioning, I am not advocating for manipulation of systems for the sake of personal gain. While I believe it is universal across human experience regardless of class, I am not saying that it is okay and should be accepted as appropriate.   But if manipulation of systems for personal gain is a problem, it is a human one, not one exclusive to poverty.  The whole community’s ability to view it through that lens will make the conversations more honest and useful and the solutions easier to discover for individuals and systems at every economic class level.

RAGBRAI REPORT - Days 6 and 7 (with the right dates!)

Day 6 – July 26, 2013 – Oskaloosa to Fairfield – 52

“Every valley shall be filled in; every mountain and hill made low.  The crooked ways shall become straight, the rough ways smooth.” – Luke 3:5 from Isaiah 40

This was our easiest day of the week.  Straight flat roads.  The weather was great.  We took a slow pace and Ernest, Tim, Joey and I stayed together for the whole ride.  Rick rode with his parents as a part of celebrating Gene’s birthday; sort of a family affair!  We had a number on intentional conversations.  Ernest is particularly adept at starting up conversations with fellow riders as we move along the road.   

We had plenty of rain overnight in Oskaloosa and that may have put a damper on morning greeters.  But even as the day went on, there weren’t as many folks out by the side of the road and we had fewer opportunities for interviews with people.   Hardly any lemonade stands!  All that meant was that we had more time to talk with each other.  We talked about RAGBRAI and we talked about church growth.  We talked about food and we talked about little nagging physical symptoms of riding a bike for a week straight.  At the end of the day, we ate together and enjoyed each other’s company.

And isn’t that also a bit of life?  Yesterday, we experienced the joy and importance of taking time to talk to those “by the side of the road.”  Today, we could have simply said that we had a boring ride.  It wasn’t physically challenging and nothing particularly interesting happened in our interactions with others.  But we are stronger as friends and brothers.  Our ability to work together in common ministry at FBC was enhanced by this “boring” ride.  During our week at RAGBRAI, we have seen how important it is to be a part of a common flow in moving toward a difficult to achieve goal.  We have learned about riding together to support and encourage.  We have learned about the importance of not being so focused on our goals and motion that we miss opportunities to benefit from the stories of those we meet.  And today we learned a bit about the boring times and importance of using those to build relationship with each other.  We are probably less physically stressed than after any day this week.  But we are also closer emotionally and spiritually as a result of this flat, boring ride.  That’s good stuff!

Tomorrow, we will finish the race with 63 miles to Ft. Madison and the Mighty Mississippi.  We will dip our tires.  We’ll get a quick shower – it’s a long way to Dubuque in an RV with 7 sweaty bikers! – and we will go home.  I expect some rich conversation in the RV on the way home and not a few naps as well!  I also expect to see lingering effects of our shared RAGBRAI for weeks and months to come.

Day 7 – June 27, 2013 – Fairfield to Ft. Madison the Mississippi River – 63 miles

“However, I consider my life worth nothing to me, if only I may finish the race and complete the task the Lord Jesus has given me – the task of testifying to the gospel of God’s grace.” – Paul in Acts 20:24

Before this week began, the longest bike ride I had ever been on was one we took a couple of weeks before RAGBRAI and we did 63 miles.  After that ride I remember thinking, “Maybe I can do this.”  Today, we finished our RAGBRAI with a 63 mile ride to the river and it seemed like it was over before I realized we had started!  We have traveled 406 miles in seven days putting more miles on my bike than it probably had on it in the four years since we bought it.  But it was more than just a bike ride covering some number of miles.

Our night in Fairfield was uneventful.  We stayed at the fairgrounds and seemed to have a perfect spot until the bands started playing in the show barn around the corner from where the RV and our tents were!   They had good music downtown about two miles from where we were.  Apparently the second acts got sent to the fairgrounds!  But we survived and slept well as the temperatures dipped into the 50s.

Our ride to Ft. Madison started in the 50s and ended in the 70s.  Blue skies dotted with beautiful pillow clouds provided an awesome contrast with the green corn and beans that lined our route.  We stayed fairly close together but committed to meeting in the final stopping town of West Point which was 10 miles from Ft. Madison so that we could ride the final portion together in our group of seven.  We even had Sam join us in Ft. Madison so that there were eight of us who dipped our front tires in the Mississippi (after waiting about 45 minutes in line to do so!).   We went to the great spot that Sam had found for the RV, completing a week of great spot finding by our driver/support guy.  We loaded up and headed for Dubuque.

And so our journey is over.   Gene and Sandy have made this trip many times.  Rick has done so a few times.  Tim has been talking about doing it for three or four years.  He kept talking and it finally happened.  Tim finished the full 406 miles surprising those who had wagered against him!  The rest of us were impressed.  I got to do RAGBRAI with my son including that one especially sweet day when we talked to so many people, just the two of us.  A portion of our Wednesday morning men’s bible study (Tim, Rick, Sam, me) finally did something together!  It encourages us to find other things to do!  And we created a deeper sense of connection within a part of the church.  Perhaps we have learned some things and had some discussions that we can apply productively within the larger FBC body.

There are always mixed feelings at the end of an experience like RAGBRAI.  There are always conversations that start, “Next year, I’m going to . . .” and “Next year, let’s . . . .”  I can’t say for sure that any of us will ever do RAGBRAI again.  As James points out, our lives are but a mist and instead of focusing on next year we should be of a mind that “If it is the Lord’s will we will live and do this or that.” (James 4:15)  But I can say that this RAGBRAI has been a valuable experience for me, my son and I, and my friends at church.  I have learned about making it to the end of the race but also about not getting so focused on the end of the race that I miss the people along the side of the race I am running.  I suppose that when I reach the end days of my life, I will have mixed feelings as well.  Part of me will know that it is time.  Part will want to do it one more day.  I pray that none of me will regret chances I missed to bless and be blessed by others along the way.

Thanks for reading!  Here is a picture of our crew with our front tires in the Mississippi River seven days after dipping the back ones in the Missouri!

RAGBRAI REPORT - Day 5

Day 5 – July 24, 2013 – Knoxville to Oskaloosa – 52 miles

“It really IS about the ride!”

Joey and I spent the day together and early on decided to stop and talk to many, many people – and it was a blast.  The first days of RAGBRAI were about the physical challenge and experience.  I learned about the encouragement of doing the same thing with lots of others who are moving in the same direction.  It was about the motion of RAGBRAI and about the riders.  The next phase in my RAGBRAI involved thinking about the experience from the point of view of those watching the parade of riders pass by.  Today, it became spiritual as Joey and I took a long time to do the 52 miles but had amazing conversations and experiences that were much more fun than just finishing the miles. 

This one is probably the best.  We rode by a farm out in the country and there were three little kids holding Sharpies shouting “Sign our shirts!”  Of course, I couldn’t resist that!  So Joey and I swung around and went through the yard and back to the kids.  They came down and we signed their shirts.  Then we started talking to one of the ladies who was clearly a relative.  I asked her if the farm was hers and she said that it belonged to her nephew.  Then she told us his story.  He is 25, and had bought the farm when he was 18; an amazing accomplishment for such a young man.   He was married with two kids and recently had an accident resulting in him being paralyzed from the neck down.  He is now in Chicago and living out of the hospital with his wife and kids, but there are clearly many challenges ahead.  We got to look at picture of his beautiful family pre and post accident.  His aunt, June, was pretty teary eyed.  I was too.  We talked about how the bible teaches that while there may not be a reason for everything that happens, God can bring reason out of even the worst of circumstances (Romans 8:28).  We talked about miracles and prayer.  It was a powerful moment.   And I realize that while the riders experience RAGBRAI in motion, the watchers and towns experience RAGBRAI as a moment – a day in which their normal world is invaded by people, most of whom will pass them by without a thought.  If those little kids had not been crying out about signing their shirts, I would have done the same.  The man’s name is Loren Lettington.  Please pray for him and his wife and kids.

There were the grandkids at the Bailey Farm – all wearing Bailey Farm shirts and serving amazing homemade granola bars.  There were the kind people at the Independent Bible Church in Bussey, IA.  They were the first place coming into the town and had LOTS of granola bars and water and had opened their church for use of the bathrooms.  We talked with the pastor and found out that his son, Josiah, is in school to become a missionary.  Pray for him too!  There was a petting zoo.  There were the moms and their four or five sons just sitting watching the riders and the boys marveling at the different kinds of bikes and wondering if they could do RAGBRAI.  There was the 10 year old kid at the lemonde stand outside his house who could to the Rubics Cube in a minute.  Amazing.  I talked with 5 or 6 high school kids at Oskaloosa about being on RAGBRAI and about graduating from high school and getting out of town.  And there was more. 

There is a guy who is running RAGBRAI.  He’s a bit crazy!  But Joey sort of summarized the great joy we found in the journey today when he suggested that our goal for tomorrow should be to get to Fairfield after the runner guy!

A little trouble on the route today for our leader, Gene.  He has had some tire problems and blew three tubes in a row.  He ended up being helped by a guy who had a new tire and a new tube which was cool.  But the best quote of day came from Gene as we were back at the RV:

Gene: “On the whole, I think the ride went really well today.” 

Joey: “Gene, you had THREE flats today.”

Gene: “Oh yeah, there was that.  But you just have to deal with that.  It happens sometimes.”

Great attitude Gene!  We could learn something about living life from that.

RAGBRAI - DAY 4

Day 4 – July 23, 2013 – Des Moines to Knoxville – 49 miles

“It’s not a race, it’s a ride”

When my older kids were younger, they used to do some pretty strange things with some of the neighborhood kids (collectively known as “The Gang”).  One of our favorite memories was the time they stood by the side of the road at the top of our hill holding a sign that said, “Honk to see us dance.”  Another was the time that they set up the classic lemonade stand.  Except there was no stand and they weren’t selling lemonade.  They were selling potatoes!  When they were doing that someone stopped and gave them some money but didn’t take a potato.  It’s a 30 second incident that continues to hold a significant place in the lore of our family and The Gang.

So what does this have to do with RAGBRAI?  It occurred to me today that RAGBRAI is experienced by two distinct groups of people.  Of course, there are the riders.  They are the ones who are actually moving from town to town across the state.  They are welcomed into small towns that they hadn’t heard of before the ride and which they can’t even keep straight when they are telling stories at the end of the day!  The riders experience RAGBRAI in motion.

Then there are the people in the towns and along the roads.  Some are curious onlookers.  Some are actively welcoming people to their town or shouting words of encouragement.  Today we saw a guy in his front yard with a sound system and a microphone and he was playing his saxophone to  recorded music – while I was going by it was a musical version of Billy Joel’s “I love you just the way you are”.  And he was good!  And of course, there are no end of lemonade stands set up by little kids in their front yards all the way to established businesses that move each day with the route. 

Yesterday, I came across three little girls at the top of a hill coming out of one of the towns we had stopped in.  They had their “Free Lemonade” sign up but their location wasn’t the best because most everyone had just stopped in the town at the bottom of the hill – or decided that they weren’t going to stop.  In either case, few were inclined to stop.  But I did.  And I talked to the girls and found out that they lived right there.  I asked them what it was like to see all these riders going by and the oldest, maybe 10, said with eyes as big as saucers, “AWESOME!”  I took a cup of lemonade, saw that their tip jar was empty and said they deserved something and I gave them a five dollar bill (I’m not really that generous; I just didn’t have anything else!).  But as I left, I thought of those potatoes.  I pray that those kids will have a memory of that 30 second encounter with some guy when RAGBRAI came through who gave them $5 for a cup of lemonade.

What this has all made me realize is that while there are riders who are experiencing RAGBRAI in motion, there are also many who are experiencing RAGBRAI in moments as it passes by them.  From the little towns that have spent the last year planning for their one day moment to the little kids along the side of the road giving away lemonade.   My male achievement gene is a bit too oriented toward conquering the route – to have my motion experience.  Tomorrow I am going to be intentional about stopping and experiencing a few more moments with people who are watching the motion.  I have a feeling I am in for a completely different kind of RAGBRAI than I have experienced up to today.

We are having a great time!  Everyone is healthy.  Ernest Jackson joined us today and rode well.  We watched the US beat Honduras in the semi- final of the Gold Cup at a Mexican restaurant.  I had a chance to meet up with my friend Amy from the AEA and we got to laugh about The Golden Child, who is currently strapped to my handlebars.  We did men’s bible study which we always do on Wednesday and got through so little in our discussion that we are going to finish Luke 14 over the next two days.  All in all, a great day!

RAGBRAI REPORT Day 3

Day 3 – July 22, 2013 – Perry to Des Moines

Recovery!

A mere 49 miles today and after a tall hill coming out of Perry, it was mostly flat.  Even so, we took some nice breaks and so got in a little later than we might have expected.  The temperature was also a delightful  80 or so and overcast – nothing like the 90 and sunny that we had for our 83 miles yesterday.  It was a good day.

Two highlights for me.  The first was seeing one of the many booths along the way offering all manner of food and drink.  But this one, in a yard along the road, was in support of Operation Christmas Child!  So I stopped and talked with the nice lady and her daughter for a bit about this program that we have been supporting at our church for more than 10 years.  Like us, their church is a local collection center and like our family, they also have been up to the regional processing center in Minneapolis.  I got a couple of nice picture and three big, fat homemade cookies – and an OCC button!  It was great to connect with people who have a shared story.

The second highlight was even better.  Through a series of events, I ended in contact with Aimee (Graves) Smith.   It turns out that she is living about two miles away from where we were camping.  So I biked over – the first really painful biking experience of the week as it turned out!  I guess I just wasn’t ready for even two more miles.

I first met Aimee when she and her family took over Dayton Oaks Camp where I served for many years as a camp coordinator.  She was in seventh grade and she was a precious, energetic kid.  Now she is a precious mother of two!  I got to meet her sons, Max (6) and Harrison (18 months) and to see great mothering skills!  I don’t often get to see kids I knew in high school, whether from my job or camp, after they are grown up.  What a great reunion this was.

And it reminds me of the importance of relationship.  One of the sayings on RAGBRAI is “It’s not a race; it’s a ride.”  Part of it being a ride is the relationships of those you ride with and those you meet.  There are people who seem to be racing through RAGBRAI – although that may just be because I am slow!  But I plan on meeting more people over the remaining four days.

In the evening we went to an Iowa Cubs game and sparing the details saw the Cubs win 1-0 on a walk off double in the bottom of the ninth.  Kind of fun!

Tomorrow, another shorter day – 49 miles to Knoxville.

RAGBRAI Day 2

Day 2 – July 22, 2013 – Harlan to Perry – 83 miles

“You need to persevere . . .” – Hebrews 10:36a       

We got out before 6:00 this morning on the road to our longest day.  Pastor Tim and I paired up knowing full well that we would not be keeping up with any of the others, especially Joey and Rick who intended to do the optional loop that made the full day over 100 miles.  We made it to the first town about 15 miles down the road where the loop starts.  Rick and Joey waited there for us so that they could start at the same time as us from there to see if they could catch us. 

They did – with 22 miles to go!

Tim and I pressed on for the first half of the day, making only brief stops.  We lingered a bit in Guthrie Center and then headed into a stretch that included the steepest hill we will face on the entire journey.  We made it to the top although it took quite a bit of effort.  Then we moved on to Yale which was where Joey and Rick caught us as we took a considerable break there.  The last 22 miles were mostly flat but we were glad to reach Perry High School where we will stay the night.

At Perry we had showers and spaghetti at the high school where they also opened up the building for the whole night allowing us access to bathrooms.  Sam, Rick, Joey and I had a game of Risk in the air conditioned school library just before a major storm blew through.  I got trapped at the library waiting for it to pass and so am taking time to get this report done!

I continue to be amazed at the sense of unity that comes when many people are doing the same thing.  There are many different levels and speeds; different kinds of equipment and approaches.  But being a part of that flow toward a common destination is empowering and was a source of encouragement that allowed Tim and I to continue when we were past our normal limits.  It seems that there is much to learn from this trip and I pray that we will continue to do so tomorrow as we head to Des Moines.

RAGBRAI REPORT - DAY 1

Day 1 – July 21, 2013 – Council Bluffs to Harlan – 50 miles

“The Heavens Declare the Glory of God”

As promised, Gene and Sandi got us going at 5:00 am with the goal of getting on the road by 6:00.  We  did that easily and joined hundreds of other early risers on our first ride of the week.  It was truly a beautiful day.  When we woke, there was lightning in the distance but it never threatened us.  As we rode into the sunrise, the clouds and sun combined for a glorious testimony to the creative genius of God. 

The ride itself was easier than maybe I had expected.  There is something about riding (or perhaps doing anything!) with many other people that supports you and strengthens you.  The miles kind of fly by as you are moved along by the collective energy of so many going in the same direction in common purpose.  I am positive that there is a spiritual/emotional/behavioral application here but not for today!  Today, it’s just about riding bikes.  We arrived in Harlan in about 4 hours which was much earlier than we had expected.  We talked about how we could have skyped into the 10:00 service at church back home!

The ride itself exposed us to the economics of RAGBRAI as we were almost constantly in view of some sign or another promising us delectable delights of one kind or another.  Among our favorites that amused but did not tempt us too much were “hamballs on a stick” and “chocolate covered bacon.”  Each town is lined with various vendors.  Some apparently will reappear in other towns tomorrow.  Others were more local.  One sign promised “church ladies who remind you of your mom and grandma” selling pies.  It was called the Church Ladies Group.  It is interesting to think about living in one of these towns so similar to ones where I work.  What must it be like to have your life suddenly and for one day only invaded by more than 15,000 people on bicycles!

In Harlan, we rested.  We paid $5 for shower that felt like it was worth $10.  We rested some more.  Then Joey, Rick, Sam and I went into town to find a place to watch the USA/El Salvador Gold Cup Quarterfinal game.  We ended up at Pizza Ranch which is a bit unromantic for an event like RAGBRAI.  But the buffet gave us a chance to graze and enjoy the game a bit.  Following the game, we went back to camp (High School parking lot) and found ourselves down at the bottom of the hill at Grace Baptist Church where, at least in my mind, we had our first encounter with people seeing RAGBRAI as an opportunity to serve rather than to fund raise.  Contrary to really any other group we saw, church related or otherwise, they were giving away polish sausages, hamburgers, fat slices of really good watermelon and cold water.  No donations accepted.  We sat in their air conditioned fellowship hall (also free) for a while and then headed back to the high school for a concert by a couple of young women from Omaha, one of whom is from Harlan.  And that’s where we are now.

Tomorrow, we do 83 miles.  Joey and Rick will probably do the extra loop for a 100 mile total.  Probably not in my future or Tim’s!  It’s our longest and therefore most challenging day.  Hopefully, I can tell about tomorrow!

RAGBRAI Report - Day 0 - “click-click-click-click-click”

I am doing RAGBRAI (The (Des Moines) Register's Annual Great Bike Ride Across Iowa) with Joey and a couple other guys from church.  It is a week long event.  I hope to blog each day internet access allowing! Here is the first installment.

July 20, 2013 – 

I remember being a kid and riding roller coasters.  While I was excited standing in line, there were those moments of anticipation mixed with terror as the cars headed up the first incline – “click-click-click-click-click”.  I was suddenly aware that I was stuck on this thing and whether I wanted to get off or not, I couldn’t.  Sure I had seen maybe hundreds of others go up the same ramp and return a couple minutes later seemingly no worse for the experience.  Some even looked like they had enjoyed it!  But in just a few seconds it was my turn to over that first hump and into who knows what.  And even if I wanted to get off, I couldn’t!

That’s about as close a story as I can tell to reflect my feelings as we boarded Gene and Sandi Loeffelholz’s RV and headed from Dubuque to Council Bluffs to camp out in anticipation of the first day of RAGBRAI.  Once that RV left Dubuque, there was no turning back.  “click-click-click-click-click”  

Six hours later we arrived and set up camp.  Our current crew consists of Joey and I, Pastor Tim Bees, Gene and Sandi and their son, Rick, who is a PE teacher, swim coach and triathlete – a veritable fitness machine.  Gene and Sandi have been doing RAGBRAI for 20 years and Rick has done several.  Rick was the one who talked Tim into really doing it this year instead of just talking about it.  Tim had a serious heart issue several years ago and has been seeking motivation to stay healthy.  RAGBRAI seems to fit the call!  He has talked about doing RAGBRAI for a couple of years now. 

There are a lot of people here.  There’s a full carnival of food vendors, bike shops, and assorted other businesses and organizations.  The most puzzling one to me was the University of Iowa Archaeology Department.  At their tent you could get a nice temporary tattoo of an arrowhead (properly called a “projectile point” of course!).

In addition to the carnival, there are all kinds of people, bikes and activities.  Plenty of eating and drinking going on – I can see already why they say that no one loses weight on RAGBRAI!  One lady a few RVs down from us is spinning wool.  We have seen people from Utah, North Carolina, Idaho and Texas among others.  There will be close to 20,000 riding through the week. 

So with the gently sound of clicking in my ears, we are about to ride down to the river and do the ceremonial dipping of the back wheels in the Missouri River.  Tomorrow, we go over the hump!  I hope it’s mostly downhill.

“Let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us!”  - Hebrews 12:1c

Poverty is a context, not an excuse

I wrote this at the beginning of the 21012/13 school year and am posting it now as a reference in case I want to send it to someone!  It was written in association with my work with Aha!Process (www.ahaprocess.com) and the Bridges Out of Poverty work.

            The new school year has arrived and with it the opportunity for me to do a number of presentations to various school districts and other organizations on the subject of dealing with kids from poverty.  In my first week of school, I had the privilege of speaking to school bus drivers, city bus drivers, the K-12 faculty of one of the rural districts I serve and the small staff of a brand new alternative school in another district.  In every audience there are various attitudes that are fairly easy to read on the faces of those about to subjected to my marvelous insights!

           

            “Who is this joker?”

            “I have so much stuff to do in my room.”

            “I can hardly wait to hear what he has to say.  This is going to be so interesting.”

                                (Usually younger folks who think they are still in college!)

            More seriously, poverty and other social issues are emotionally loaded subjects.  Because of the strong emotions association with the subject of poverty, there are those who are obviously resistant along the lines of “Great!  Here is someone else to make excuses for these people.”  And at the other end, those who are obviously receptive to anything that smacks of tolerance and learning to accept people just the way they are.  “You can’t blame them for how they are!  Just look at where they have come from.”  I think both of these attitudes are unfortunate and potentially damaging to real children who have real potential and real needs.  Both lead to justification and excusing that are not helpful to those students who are often most in need of what school and other systems have to offer.

            Among the criticisms I have heard about Dr. Payne’s approach to addressing poverty is that seeing poverty through Dr. Payne’s lens results in lowered expectations for kids in poverty.  Both of the above attitudes could certainly result in a view of kids in poverty that concludes that there is no way they can meet expectations.  But if those who are exposed to Framework concepts come to and apply the conclusion that somehow these concepts justify lower expectations, they are missing the power and opportunity that Framework affords those who are working with under resourced students.

            One of my favorite slides in the current Framework material is the Key Point #13:

            Mutual respect is:

• High expectations
• Insistence
• Support

            Dealing with kids in poverty through Dr. Payne’s concepts has led me to the conclusion that not only should we not expect less of kids from poverty, but rather that expectations must be more clearly defined and rigidly enforced.  All three of the above points are necessary to enhance the possibilities of success for kids coming from under resourced backgrounds.

            High expectations are necessary because so many of the kids I work with have had limited exposure to high expectations; at least as they relate to achievement and education.  They may have heard or seen expectations but never completely understood their relevance or perhaps more importantly how to meet them.  I have had some success working with a variety of visual mental models to help teach and reinforce both expectations the steps to meet them.

            High and clear expectations are also needed because life in poverty is often fluid in terms of changing priorities and expectations.  This can make it difficult not only to meet expectations but even to know which expectations to meet.  It might be that the school “system” has contributed to this confusion by having so many expectations from grades and behavior to fire drills and lunch room regulations. 

            Insistence is necessary because it is helpful for keeping focus and understanding the importance of meeting expectations.  Many students, from poverty or not, have difficulty keeping their eye on the goal.  The kids may need that outer voice that encourages and even demands, “I will not let you fail at this task”.  A few positive outcomes and the need for the outer voice fades as the kids develop their own inner voice based on confidence obtained from repeated successes.

            Support is necessary because many students lack the necessary skills to meet the expectations to which they are held accountable in the education system.  Support may be needed for skill development in areas ranging from time management to academic skills to emotional resources for dealing with frustration.  In the meeting of expectations with support, skills are also being developed to better meet future expectations.

            It is important to mention that all three are necessary.  Expectations and Insistence without Support is going to lead to frustration and even bitterness or perhaps more likely, enabling – the student meets the expectations because we insist that he do so, but in the end we end up doing most of the work ourselves!  Expectations and Support without Insistence can also be seen as rules and procedures without relationship which according to the well known saying leads to rebellion.  Insistence and Support without clear Expectations is directionless.  Stability is found in adequately providing all three parts.

            Another way to look at it is to see these three as the What, Why and How of meeting expectations.  The Expectations are the What, Insistence becomes the Why, and Support is the How.  My experience in schools tells me that as a system, we have lots of Whats (Expectations) and believe that we are providing the Hows (Support), but are deficient in the Whys (Insistence) that can make the educational process relevant to students whose backgrounds have not made it so.  So when the system sees kids in poverty not doing well, we hear, “What do you expect from those kids?” or “Those poor kids, they have had such a hard life.  We can’t expect much more.”

            Some have heard Dr. Payne’s material and believed it to be more of the same – excusing kids from poverty or liberating them from the unrealistic expectations of the school system.   For me, Dr. Payne’s material is useful because rather than excusing kids from poverty, the concepts have liberated the kids I know from MY beliefs regarding their capabilities and potential.  The Framework material gave me a context for understanding the difficulties that under resourced students face.  It did not provide an excuse; for me or for the students!  Rather than modifying (translate: reduce) expectations so that under resourced kids can meet them, I now understand that the expectations need to be more clearly defined and more rigidly enforced through Insistence and Support.  Rather than being satisfied with under resourced kids not meeting expectations (but “they did the best they could”), I now understand that the resources in the system need to be applied in ways that prove to the system and more importantly to the students themselves that they can be successful.  This is hard work for sure, but so gratifying and one of the main reasons most of us got into education in the first place!  So roll up your sleeves, define those expectations clearly and then do whatever it takes to help the kids you know meet those expectations – no excuses!

Haiti, Curses, and Deals with the Devil

5.5.13

I have a good friend who is a school nurse at one of the schools I serve as a school psychologist.  Aside from being the best school nurse with whom I have ever worked, she devotes a great deal of her free time and resources to ongoing mission work in Haiti.  She takes two trips per year serving at a health care clinic and leading teams of volunteers to experience Christian compassion in action.  When she is home, she spends quite a bit of time raising funds to support the clinic. 

Recently, my friend had dinner with some former co-workers from a hospital where she worked in the past.  At dinner, my friend spent some time talking about and promoting the work in Haiti.  She talked about the devastation of the January, 2010 earthquake and the ongoing need for outreach to the destitute people there.   After listening for a bit, one of her friends, who attends a significant evangelical church, mentioned her understanding that the earthquake and desperate poverty in Haiti were evidence of a curse that began when the people of Haiti made a deal with the devil more than 200 years ago to enlist the devil’s assistance in freeing the people of Haiti from slavery.  It was clear to my friend that her dinner mate and the others who nodded in agreement were using this argument to challenge her involvement in contributing so much time and money to Haiti.  They certainly were not sharing this perspective out of support for her work!

I am not going to go into detail regarding my friend’s reaction to her friends which she shared with me the next day at school.  Suffice it to say that I would need to use the word “enraged” more than once!  This “Haiti Curse” story relative to the earthquake in 2010 appears to have started with Pat Robertson, but some Christians apparently continue to hold onto it, revealing what seems to be a very shallow understanding of curses and dealings with the devil, but affording them a self-righteous way to excuse themselves from action.  There is so much wrong with my friend’s co-workers’ attitude that it is hard to know where to start.  I’ll suggest five things.  You can pick your favorite.

1) It can’t be a good thing to make a deal with the devil and any self-respecting follower of Jesus would recognize the danger and possible consequences of such a thing – unless that follower understood that people have been making deals with the devil ever since the serpent said, “You will not surely die.” and Adam and Eve took the first bite of that forbidden fruit.  It doesn’t matter if you consider this a literal story or not, it speaks about human nature.  We all make deals with the devil every day.  We are in a continual tug of war with God for who is going to be in charge of our lives.  And our pride and selfish desires lead us to compromise what we say we believe for the sake of what we want to believe.  So when Paul writes about this in Romans 3, saying things like “There is no one righteous, not even one.” (vs. 10) and “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” (vs. 23), he is talking about the people of Haiti, me, my school nurse friend and every one of the ladies at that dinner table.  There is no difference.  I wonder if those ladies thought about their own deals with the devil - maybe even the one that allowed them to sit in judgment on the entire population of a country they have never visited (see James 4:11,12  as an example). 

2) We live in a fallen world.  I don’t dispute that the present world is not the paradise that God created it to be.  Who would?  I also don’t dispute that there is a link between human sin - “deals with the devil” beginning with the one in Eden - and the brokenness we experience in creation.  There really are earthquakes and volcanos and hurricanes and tornados and myriad other natural and man-made disasters. But I wonder if those ladies at dinner would apply the same “curse” standard to victims of every natural disaster or man-made one for that matter.  What would those ladies say to those who went to and continue to go to Joplin, MO to serve those recovering from the tornado in May, 2011?  What about Hurricane Katrina?  Or the tsunami in Japan?  Or my friend whose daughter was killed by a drunk driver?  Are these all the fault of the victims because of their deals with the devil?  Did they deserve the curse? 

3) A great way to avoid responsibility for helping those in need is to blame them for their circumstances.  The most common way I see this applied by the white, middle class folks who are my peers is in the area of helping the poor.  “Poor people are lazy.”  “How can I be sure that they won’t use my money for alcohol or drugs?” “They are just using the system.”  Since they (people in poverty) have the problem, they are responsible for their situation.  Therefore, I am not responsible for improving their situation.  It might not be stated as directly as this, but this kind of thinking is basically saying, “They deserve this.” similar to point #2 above.  The further development of this line of thinking is that I am free from having to take any action to make things better.   In its worst form, this becomes guilt-free selfish living!  And it is far too common. 

4) According to the story the ladies shared with my friend, the Haitians made a deal with the devil.  For what?  To get out of slavery.  Who were they enslaved by?  My ancestors and the ancestors of those nice white ladies having dinner with my friend!  We did this to them, culturally if not literally.  We were the curse!  The God in whose name many of my ancestors and those of the ladies came to this “New World” probably didn’t seem like a very good option to the enslaved Haitians at the time!  This is not revisionist history or an attempt to make white people feel guilty.  If we are going to blame 200+ year old Haitians for the present day earthquakes their ancestors are suffering, we better be ready to also take responsibility for our 200+ year old ancestors and the actions that led those 200+ year old Haitians to make that deal.   Anything else is disingenuous at best and blatant racism at worst.

5) Let’s assume the worst for a minute.  The Haitians really did make that deal and the curse of the earthquake really was related to that deal with the devil.  As a person who believes in biblical explanations for the current mess of a world in which we find ourselves living, I’m not even completely opposed to that, at least in principal.  But if I am a follower of Jesus, as these ladies also claimed to be, I have to start with the curse on my own life (“Cursed is everyone who does not do everything written in the Book of the Law” Paul writing in Galatians 3:10 and referencing Deuteronomy 27:26).  The curse on my life was broken by Jesus - a curse that was very much my fault.  I sinned.  I made the deal with the devil.  The curse was broken through sacrifice.  (“Christ redeemed us from the curse of the law by becoming a curse for us.” Galatians 3:13)   I am thankful every day that Jesus did not look at me and say, “Not my problem – he made a deal with the devil and he deserves it!”  He broke my curse.  More than that, he invited me to join him in advancing the kingdom of God on earth (“As you go, preach this message: ‘The kingdom of heaven is near.’  Heal the sick, raise the dead, cleanse those having leprosy, drive out demons.  Freely you have received, freely give.”-  Matthew 10:7, 8.  “Therefore go and make disciples of all nations” – Matthew 28:19.  “Dear friends, let us not love with words or tongue but with actions and in truth.” – 1John 4:18 ).  He invited me to join him in the privilege of breaking curses.  What better work is there to do?  Find those who are under a curse and be a part of setting them free.  I don’t think that an honest examination of faith in Jesus allows one the luxury of accepting the sacrifice of Jesus and the freedom from the curse of one’s own sin while simultaneously blaming others for the curse of their sin as an excuse for doing nothing to help break that curse.

I wasn’t at the dinner and can only use the ladies as examples based on what my friend told me about their comments.  But I find this shallow approach to curses and brokenness far too often in my encounters with Christians.  To be honest, I find it too often in my own thoughts and justifications for doing nothing in the face of needs both physical and spiritual.  That is why I am so grateful for my school nurse friend and others like her who reflect the sacrifice of Christ in their service to the most needy.   It is an easy thing to identify curses and the effects of curses on people’s lives.  It is another thing entirely to get involved in the work of God to break those curses.  People like my friend inspire me to do better.  I hope she does the same for you!

For information about her work, please visit www.serveHAITI.org

We are all George Zimmerman

(Recently, the sad story of George Zimmerman and Trayvon Martin was in the news again.  It reminded me that I had started this essay on the anniversary of the event in late February.  Here it is a month and a half late, but still relevant.)

At the end of February, it had been the one year anniversary of the tragic killing of Trayvon Martin by George Zimmerman in Sanford, FL.  While the case continues to be worked out in the courts and the exact details remain unknown and perhaps unknowable, the impact that the killing had on our culture continues and was remembered by many at the time of the anniversary.  Vigils were held, candles were lit, and many wondered how it is that these kinds of things happen in our world.  The dynamics of the tragedy have been revisited in this last month with the death of 16 year old Kimani Gray in Brooklyn.

As I remembered the story of what happened to Trayvon Martin, I also remembered the initial public gatherings that occurred not only in Sanford but in many places around the country.  Of the signs I remember people holding up at these gatherings, there were many with some version of “We are all Trayvon Martin”.  The message was that anyone could be mistaken as being something they were not based on the reaction of another person.  Some crazy “George Zimmerman” out there could shoot me, too!

Even at that time, I knew that this was only partially true.  For me especially as a middle aged, middle class, white male, I was not Trayvon and it was disingenuous for me to think that I could identify with him and others who are routinely judged because of their outer characteristics.  I have never been followed in a store, something that is not true for many African Americans I know.  I have not been “profiled” by the police as is seen in people being pulled over for various trivial car equipment problems, something that seems to occur more frequently to people who don’t look like me than to those who do..   When I wear I hooded sweatshirt (a hoodie),  probably the worst that someone thinks is, “Look at that old dork wearing a hoodie!” 

I am not Trayvon Martin.

It is unlikely that we interested but disconnected observers of this tragedy will ever know the exact details of what happened when Trayvon Martin was killed.  But some things are known and I want to focus on one.  This incident would not have happened if George Zimmerman had not made some assumptions about who he thought Trayvon was.  There is another time to discuss the whole idea of neighborhood watch people patrolling the streets armed in the first place.  But leaving that aside, the incident between Trayvon and George took place because George saw something about Trayvon that led him to initiate a contact with the young man.  Without George’s judgment of the threat posed by Trayvon, George never would have approached him.  What happened after that the specific details will likely remain shrouded to all but God.  But certainly George’s assessment of who he perceived Trayvon to be led to the incident in the first place.  And George’s emotions related to whatever Trayvon’s reaction was to the initial contact were certainly based in part on what he expected someone like Trayvon to do – based on George’s initial assessment of who he perceived him to be. 

And this was where I began to realize that while I am not Trayvon Martin and don’t feel comfortable saying that I can identify with people of color who experience regularly, maybe daily what I have only experienced a few times,  I am George Zimmerman.  In fact, I think we are all George Zimmerman.  It is human nature to judge others based on our preconceived ideas of what we expect them to be based on our picture of what “people like that” are like.  This natural tendency to judgment is not exclusive to any race, age, gender, religion – we all do it.  And our initial actions towards others based on our preconceptions lead to all kinds of divisions, conflicts, disruptions, and in the worst cases, physical confrontations and even, as in the case of Trayvon Martin, death.   

In addition to being George Zimmermans, we also tend to group ourselves with others who see things the same way that we do, thereby affirming our impressions, opinions, or probably more accurately, our prejudices.  We all prefer to be with others who are “like us.”  But in order for us to be with people who are like us, there must be others who are not like us.  And we are all too skilled at defining that “unlikeness” in negative, judgmental terms.   When we see kids doing this in junior and senior high school, we talk about cliques and peer pressure and how bad it is.  But when adults do it, it somehow seems more refined to us!

Another aspect of seeing the George Zimmerman in ourselves  relates to how we can ever make things better.  When I acknowledge and begin to deal with my own George Zimmerman, I take responsibility for my thoughts and actions that contribute to judgment and division in my community.  When I try to identify with Trayvon Martin, I am identifying with the victim and I need someone else to change.  Put another way, if I hold up a sign that says “We are all Trayvon Martin”, I am telling all the George Zimmermans in the world that they need to change in order for our communities to get better.  The responsibility and power for change lies in someone else’s hands.  But if I hold up a sign that says, “We are all George Zimmerman” (figuratively, of course!), I am identifying with those who judge and justify their actions based on their judgments, and I am acknowledging that I have plenty of my own judgments.  The responsibility and power for change are now in my hands.  I can do something about it!

As best as we can understand, George’s judgment of Trayvon and his decision to act on that judgment began a series of events that ended in tragedy.  It is unlikely that I will ever be involved in something like what happened in Sanford, but do my judgments ever start a series of events that contribute to division rather than reconciliation?  It is a serious question that everyone needs to consider for themselves.

I think this dynamic is something of what Jesus was referring to when he advised people to “first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” (Matthew 7:5)   I don’t pretend to know what exactly happened between George and Trayvon when this tragedy took place.  I am using the figures that they have become in our cultural discussion to make a point:  We are all much too accomplished at seeing the fault in others and much less skilled at the introspection that exposes our own contributions to the problems that we face personally, in our families, and in the broader society.  All the “isms” are the result.  The solution starts with me because I am George Zimmerman.

How We Teach Peer Pressure at School

Teaching Kids to Be Dumb (I mean, to Think For Themselves)

and/or

How We Teach Kids Peer Pressure at School

My friend Lucy came to see me the other day.  Okay, I probably should refer to her as a student named Lucy.  But after I have talked to someone for a while and no longer see her regularly because she is doing well, I think of the person as an “old friend.”  Anyway, Lucy is a senior and asked to see me.  I was a bit worried because in the past that meant something was going on in her life and it wasn’t always good.  But in this case, Lucy just wanted to use me as a resource for a class project.  And her project got me thinking about something I think about all the time!

Lucy was doing a project on drug use among high school students and the premise of her project was that there need to be better classes on the topics of drinking and drug use and so on for high school students because programs like DARE which are done with elementary students are basically “useless” – her word not mine.  But I agree with the word choice and any research I have seen on the topic has supported that elementary prevention programs are not effective in the long term.  Lucy said, “I don’t remember anything we did in DARE (when I was in fifth grade).  And it didn’t stop me or anyone else from getting into alcohol and drugs.”  I immediately thought of a passage from my soon to be released book called “Fool’s Gold: Searching for Goodness in the Human Heart” (Yup, this is an unashamed advertisement!)  I showed Lucy this section which refers to “Just Say No” education that is based on a values clarification model (“decide for yourself what you believe and choose based on that”):

These programs are started at early grades in the schools and the basic approach is to teach kids early that there are good reasons not to smoke (or drink or do drugs) and no real good reasons to smoke.  The kids are taught to make a figurative list (sometimes literal) of pros and cons of smoking.  Ask any first grader who has been through this kind of teaching and they will likely be able to give you several reasons why smoking is bad for you and maybe one or none why someone might smoke.  The one reason will be “to be cool.”  But first graders don’t see other first graders who smoke as cool.  So that reason isn’t appealing.  Recognizing that there are unique situations out there, in general there are very few first graders who are going to smoke or drink or do drugs.  Teaching them reasons why not to do those things is pretty much meaningless.  But teaching them how to think about these issues and make their own decisions is laying a pretty big trap for adolescence.

All through elementary school, Julie has been taught to think for herself and to make up her own mind.  She graduated from the DARE program in sixth grade and now has gone on to junior high school.  When Julie was in elementary school, she made a list just as she had been taught about why she was never going to start smoking.  It kind of looked like this:

SMOKING

                                Pros                                                                      Cons

                1.  Some people think it’s cool                                     1.  You can get cancer

                                                                                          2.  It makes your clothes smell bad

                                                                                          3.  It costs lots of money

                                                                                          4.  My parents will be mad at me

                                                                                          5.  You could die

                                                                                          6.  It’s against the law

                                                                                          7.  My teachers will be sad

                                                                                          8.  It makes your teeth yellow

                                                                                          9.  It makes your breath stink

                This pro/con list made it easy for Julie to see why she would never smoke.  The cons clearly outweighed the pros.  Of course, Julie had little opportunity to test her list in elementary school as she was never actually offered a cigarette by anyone, including any of her friends.  Nor was she in any way interested in finding out what smoking was like.

                But now Julie is in junior high and things have changed a bit.  Some of her friends have started dabbling in various things they all said they would not do when they were learning about them during Red Ribbon Week in elementary school.  Julie has even gone to a couple of parties where some of the people she knows have been smoking.  Time to get out the list to see if the cons still outweigh the pros.  Julie has been well taught to think for herself and not just to do what her friends are doing.  In fact, in many cases, Julie has learned to not even do what her parents say just because they are her parents.  She knows how to clarify her own values and she can make her own decisions; except now the list looks like this:

SMOKING

                                Pros                                                         Cons

                  Some                             1.  You can get cancer

                                                                                  2.  It makes your clothes smell bad

                      People               3.  It costs lots of money

                                                                                   4.  My parents will be mad at me

                     Think                         5.  You could die

                                                                                  6.  It’s against the law

                      It’s                                           7.  My teachers will be sad

                                                                                   8.  It makes your teeth yellow

                     COOL!!!                9.  It makes your breath stink

                So now, when Julie gets out the scale and weighs the decision out, which side weighs more?  And so, like many kids who in first and second grade swore they would never smoke (as if kids that age can make decisions like that!), Julie now joins those with clarified values who choose to do what they said they never would.  And it’s not even that the content has changed in the list of pros and cons; only the relevance of the content.

                If this is true for smoking, it’s the same for drugs and sex and shoplifting and lying to parents and other adults and cheating and all sorts of things that many of us, left entirely to our own “goodness”, would do!  What kids learn from this kind of instruction is not useful for making decisions that will affect their lives in a positive way (not smoking, not doing drugs, etc.).  Instead, it teaches them a way of thinking that in many ways actually gives them permission to do the very things we thought we were teaching them not to do!  We’ve taught them to think for themselves according their own knowledge of good and evil regardless of what their friends, teachers, or even their parents think. 

Lucy took one look at this and just like her namesake waiting for Schroeder to play just the right version of Jingle Bells shouted, “THAT’S IT!!”  She totally got it and said that was exactly what happened in her own life and in the lives of her friends.  Once people started doing it, whatever “it” was, in order to fit in, logical reasons to not do it were overwhelmed by emotional reasons to do it.  But we taught the kids to think like this!  “Make a list; check it twice, make up your own mind!”

Someone says, “Sure, but that’s why we teach kids about resisting peer pressure and we do that even more when the kids hit junior and senior high.  We tell them, ‘You shouldn’t do something just because your friends do.’”  In the category of actions speak louder than words, I can only say, “Really?”  From the time kids enter the institutional school setting they are told in subtle and not so subtle ways that the only sin is to be different from the kids around them.  Hear these teacher voices:

·         “Everyone else is already in line.  You need to get in line also.”
·         “If you are not sure what to do, you should look at your classmates 

       and do what they are doing.”
·         “Your friends are not going to want to play with you if you keep acting like that.”
·         “I like what the blue table is doing; the other tables might want to look at the blue table and            see what those students are doing.”
·         “No one else in the class is out of their seat!  Why are you walking around the room?”
·         “Do you see anyone else doing that!?!?” (Extra punctuation means extra emotion!)

These kinds of statements are ubiquitous in the school setting.  They are constant and they have one constant theme: Do what your classmates (friends) do because the goal is that everyone should be the same and the only sin is being different. 

We even carry this into academic performance.  The main goal of all schools right now is that all kids score above the 40^th percentile on standardized measures of reading, math and science.  Standardized basically means there is a normal or average group of kids and we need all kids to be in that category.  This comes from No Child Left Behind and there are many challenges to this goal in terms of statistical realities and maybe even desirability (My last essay called Delight in the Gap deals with some of this). 

But beyond the challenges, think of the foundation on which it is built.  We need to close the gap in terms of achievement so that there is no gap in achievement – in other words, everyone is the same.  This close the gap thinking is applied (almost always unconsciously) to behavior as well.  The school system’s goal is that everyone’s behavior would be the same.  “You need to act like everyone else,” or more directly, “No one else is acting like that!”  I hear this from teachers I work with who in one form or another say to me, “My class would be fine if it wasn’t for . . . .” and the sentence is completed with the names of a student or students who act differently than the rest of the class in terms of behavior or achievement.

Kids are exposed to this incessant systemic voice which says, “Act like everyone else.”  And at the same time, they are taught to think for themselves – make your list and then make your own decision.  We have laid a foundation of thinking that can’t help but result in kids following peer pressure as a main source of decision making.  And we are surprised!  Because after all, we adults don’t make decisions based on peer pressure!  The fact that our churches and sports teams and service organizations and hobby groups and circle of friends are made up primarily of people who look and talk and believe just like us is not about peer pressure – it’s just our personal preference!  As I said, actions speak louder than words.

Lucy was right.  We do need a new way to address the pressures that kids face in dealing with really dangerous choices like smoking and drugs and alcohol and sexual activity.  What we are doing is not working and part of it is the truth that our current school system teaches peer pressure as the best way to know that one belongs.  And it teaches personal decision making based on one’s own list of pros and cons.  In my view, we need to start thinking in absolutes, a foreign concept in our relativistic world.  There are behaviors and actions that are wrong because they are wrong, not because no one else is doing it!  And there are behaviors and actions that are wrong even if EVERYone else is doing it.  It isn’t about opinion and pros and cons and conforming to the standard of others’ behaviors or even others’ achievement scores.  It’s about doing what is right because it is right.  I’m looking forward to seeing what Lucy comes up with from her point of view.  She’s an expert in teenage peer pressure, being a teen herself, and will have some great insight on what might actually work!